Full blast volume

I’m not sure, whether its just me, or I try to escape from the world by listening to music full blast with headphone. Somehow, I feel I’m in my own world, even though I’m around with officemate. It soothe me a bit, from whatever battle that I’m going through.

To deal with crying for such a petty things, or pissed of for something that I know I should not pissed off, and the most important thing I hate the most, when I lost my patience to my own daughter.  Always, I feel I like a bad mom, who doesn’t know how to raise kid. I only have one, but somehow, its damn challenging just to raise one.

Whenever she acting out, people always said – ” Ni kena tambah adik ni, baru tak mengada/manja” . How to deal with this? Since to deal with one kid, challenge me the most?

More frustrating,  when your kids don’t really listen to you. 🙁 But, she easily listen to others. I tried to be a very gentle parents, but well, she ignored me the most. When I become the Asian Parent type, she also tend to ignore. Sometimes, I almost giveup parenting.

Start to write it again, to express what I truly feel again. I keep on feeling judge by others. Everywhere I go. I always felt that I’m such a loser, and because of that, I try to not make others feel the same as I feel.

I’m jumping topic one after another, just to release the furious in me, that I can’t truly express by talking. I’ll tend to shout and scream of everything if I speak more then I should.

Writing to, to make I feel better, and at the same time, just to rebuild my confidence in writing again.


Sayonara for now.